Fluids of the Force
by fulloffantasies
Summary: Better laugh-fiction than fap-fiction. Rated "S" for satire. Contains TLJ spoilers. Out of character, silly, stupid fun. Once it gets going, it takes off pretty fast.
1. Chapter 1

Watching master Luke take a swig of blue milk from that bloated beach animal was enough to make Rey spew her lunch for the third day in a row. She managed to at least excuse herself before the bile rolled up this time. When she walked away, she sensed master Luke's expression shift from sympathy to caution.

"Are you alright?" Kylo Ren actually sounded concerned. Rey looked up from the hot rocks she had been leaning on.

Oh, how she so did not want him to see her like this. She also wanted to punch him in the face. And snuggle him for comfort. And kick his balls.

"Peachy." She responded, hoisting herself up. "You can go now."

Kylo Ren said nothing, but she knew he was still there.

"Are you-?"

All at once, her frustrations came to a head and she spun around, fuming and scowling at him. "Pregnant?" She screeched. "Yes. I am pregnant!"

"It's mine, isn't it?" he asked.

"No." She shook her head.

It was obvious that she was lying, and he saw right through her. They both thought of the conception at the same time.

It was when he captured and interrogated her, a few months back. He said, 'You know I can take whatever I want' and instead of being afraid of him, all she could think of was how hot it would be for him to want her.

It was a silly thought she entertained while ignoring his attempts to intimidate her. A small comfort while being locked away in the heart of the enemy's base. She had been so wrapped up in that when he penetrated her mind, he saw all of it. From how he would approach her to make it happen to how badly she wanted his cum deep inside of her.

She thought he'd make fun of her.

Sometimes she wished he had, instead of indulging her.

But those were fleeting lies. Having his body over hers, pumping into her, restraints preventing her from escaping was probably the highlight of all her sexual experiences.

"This changes things." Kylo Ren said, seeming suddenly very distracted. "I have to go."

And then he was gone.

"Of course you do." She shook her head. Rey went back to master Luke to continue her chores for the day. It dawned on her that he never asked her who the father was. Did he already know, somehow? More likely he doesn't care.

She hit her energy limit by sundown and retired to her hut. As she pulled off her boots, her mind connected with Kylo's again. He stepped out of his room and into hers.

"Rey," he said. "You are to come with me. That child is mine and I will not let it be raised without its father." He stretched his hand out for her to take.

She stared at his hand, then back up at him, indignant. "Absolutely not."

"I thought you would say that. Very well, then I will stay with you."

She raised an eyebrow. "Master Luke will kill you."

Kylo sat on the bed next to her and put a hand on her exposed knee. "I would like to see him try."

"You can't stay here." Rey shook her head.

"I'm not here for trouble. I promise to leave Luke alone until the child is born to prevent you from any unnecessary stress."

"I can't say he'll make the same promise." Rey pulled off her shoe and sighed with relief.

"I simply must have you." Kylo Ren suddenly leaned into her. "And it's my child and I'm not going anywhere."

Rey was hesitant and confused. It occurred to her that she didn't want to deal with him right now. Her whole body was aching and sore, from her swollen feet to her strained legs to her back, her belly to her swelling breasts. She had to stop and readjust her undergarments a dozen times throughout the day. She had considered removing them entirely, but somehow she thought that would only make it worse.

"Well, as long as you're here," Rey laid down and set her feet in his lap. "Rub my feet. I'll figure out the rest tomorrow, I guess."

Kylo stared at her, unblinking, and picked up her left foot and began to rub it. He had no idea what he was doing, but Rey closed her eyes and relaxed so he figured he must be doing it right.

Cautiously, he probed her mind.

"Don't." Rey warned him.

"Sorry." he looked down at his hands and focused back on his task. "It's just that you're always thinking of really sexy scenarios of me."

She opened her eyes and smouldered at him. "Then ask me what I'm thinking. Don't just invite yourself into my head."

"What are you thinking?" He was leaning forward again.

"Being pregnant sucks." Her eyes suddenly pooled over with tears. "I'm sore. Everything hurts or aches. I keep making the island inhabitants hate me on over accidents. Master Luke won't talk to me. I've got you in my head constantly, the galaxy to save, I don't know where my friends are-"

Kylo switched to her other foot.

"And this whole situation just," she paused, her eyes darting around the room as she flailed her hands. A tear streamed down her cheek. "Feels like a stupid joke by some bored, cruel universal entity."

"That's insane, there's no such thing." he comforted her. "There is only the Force. The Force brought us together, it must be for a reason."

"The Force is a sick being with a deprived sense of humor. Impregnating me with the child of my sworn enemy."

 _Actually, that was me_. Kylo sighed, ready to retire the topic.

She kept her gaze locked away from his and they were both silent as he finished massaging her right foot. When he finished, he laid down next to her.

"Do you really hate me that much?" He asked.

"No." Rey looked at him. "Since the moment I saw your face I can't get you out of my head."

Kylo put his hand on her stomach, caressing it, amazed at the miracle of their union. "Have you seen a doctor? To make sure everything is going as it should be?"

"Only the ones here, on the island. They're more simple, and they hate me, but they're helpful at least."

"You really should come with me." He pressed, propping his gorgeous face up on his hand to stare down at her. "I'll keep you safe, you'll join me and the entire fleet of the First Order will be at your feet. Slaves. You will want for nothing."

As she stared into his eyes, she felt that pull to the dark side, the promise of his words. The vanity. She would be his queen, they could be together and no one could question their relationship.

She loved him, despite that they were on opposite sides of the war.

"I want to," she muttered. "But you know I can't."

Kylo Ren kissed her sweaty forehead, and it ruptured a dam within her. Her arms flung around him and pulled him into a deep kiss. He flailed, kissing her back sloppily until he regained his balance.

He didn't have to pry into her mind to see what she was thinking. Rey's thoughts were so vivid and strong they flooded into his like a moving picture without effort.

"I can't get you out of my head." She said, breaking their kiss. "I don't care about the war, all I care about is you. Ever since you showed me the small kindness of pulling off your mask, I've seen the signs. We don't have to be star-crossed lovers. Let's just be lovers."

Kylo regarded her, her desperation flowing into him reminded him of one of those legendary, sex-starved virgins who used to live in underground bunkers of peoples houses back before space travel became common. A long, long time ago in the future.

Space travel messes with time continuity because of physics.

But he loved her, so he didn't care.

He kissed her back with the fury of a thousand suns, his cock twitching rapidly in his pants, growing bigger and fuller with each pulse. Rey felt it on her leg and moaned, hungry for it. She thought about their tryst in the interrogation room, how suavely he removed her clothes while keeping her restraints on, almost like he had done it before.

"No," he told her. "I gave you my virginity that day."

"Oh, Kylo!" Rey grabbed his neck. "That's the most romantic thing you've ever said to me!"  
He bit his tongue when he was tempted to remind her that they hadn't had a single interaction between that day and today. It didn't seem important right now to fuss over minor details.

Kylo pulled her shirt up and loosened the bands that wrapped her breasts. She sighed and gave a shiver as they spilled out, relieved of the pressure.

She was the most beautiful woman in the world.

Looming over her, between her legs, Kylo lifted her hips to get her pants off while she strained to help him. The strands of wetness clinging to her panties made his cock twitch again.

Now that her pants were off, Kylo unleashed his massive, thick, girthy, monstrously gigantic dick from his pants and she regarded it with an open gape of amazement like a Giant Walking Fish with smooth teeth. She lifted her legs, spreading open her seeping honey pot for him.

"Take me." She begged with the intensity of a thousand waterfalls cascading out of her gaze and into his.

His cock twitched for the final time before he plunged it into her with the force of a medieval battering ram. Except there was no resistance, no wall to break through, because the hymen is mostly a myth and Rey isn't a virgin, anyway.

"Am I going too fast? Too slow?" He asked, awkwardly thrusting his back back and forth. He had only done this once before so, naturally, he was ignoring all of his instincts so he wouldn't offend her. "Could I just read your mind so I know what you want me to do?"

He didn't have to probe because the images came flooding into his mind. She was so deep in subspace she had already entered the non-verbal stage, clawing at the sheets and gasping loudly. Imagining him doing exactly what he was doing, but in her head, with her eyes closed.

It occurred to Kylo Ren that someone might hear them.

Just then there came a loud bang at the door.

"Hey!" master Luke shouted, and then swung the door open.

A moment passed as the two men stared at each other. Rey's eyes widened with a shocked gasp and covered her boobs.

"You guys thirsty yet?" He flung a canteen of blue milk at Kylo Ren's face, then shut the door behind him.

As a matter of fact, Kylo was actually thirsty, and he had conveniently caught the cannister in his hand so he went ahead and unscrewed the lid.

"Wait, Kylo don't drink that! It comes from the gross bloated creatures on the beach." She had held her hand which had been covering her nipple a moment before out to stop him. He scowled at the drink, recapped it, then tossed it onto the floor.

Rey replaced her hand back on her boobs, which now seemed significantly larger.

"Drink mine instead!" She begged, squeezing her tits. Off-white fluid streamed out of her nipples and all over his face, his hair, his beautiful black dress. He licked it off his lips and the taste made his cock twitch. His body bent over hers and he fucked her long and hard, the milk continued to spray out of her, soaking the sheets, the inside of her hut, like a water balloon full of holes being swung around in circles.

Inside of her warm, wet walls, Kylo's cock was twitching like it just strapped to an electric chair. As Rey came, her breasts quit squirting, the milk avalanche turned into a slow trickle, as her boobs began to deflate.

"I'm going to cum," Kylo said through gritted teeth, his face dripping with her milk.

"Well don't do it inside of me again, I don't want to have twins."

The universe let out a strange sound that sounded like a cross between a guffaw and a snotty retort that that's not how that works.

They ignored the sound, too lost in each other to care.

"Alright," Kylo said, pulling out of her, his impossibly large cock twitched again as the first gush of white sticky cum spurted right over Rey's head and onto the wall. He stroked it furiously, mouth wide open, screaming as burst after burst came forth, enrapturing his body in the most intense pleasure he could have ever imagined. His cum coated Rey, slinking off of her in giant gobs that reminded her of that one time she got the the flu and her body was leaking green thick boogers from every orifice. But this was sexier, because it was cum.

His orgasm lasted forever, it seemed, it coated her face and Rey scooped it out of her eye sockets and mouth so she could breathe, all the while yelling into his head:

"YES! YES! Oh, Kylo this is better than anything I could have imagined it would be!"

Outside, master Luke stared at their hut. White fluid leaked through the cracks of the door.

Kylo Ren's orgasm seemed to last hours. His dick became sore from friction but he simply could not stop ejaculating.

Legend says he is still there today, screaming with the intensity of a man falling off a cliff, stroking his perpetually twitching cock.


	2. Chapter 2

SO as it turns out I can't write smut here, and I don't want to cause problems with ffn. I have moved over to An Archive Of Our Own. My username there is "FullOfFantasiesX" It should be really easy to find me with a basic google search :)


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